the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
