she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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