last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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