My hand turned me down
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize