I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize