Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
