i think my tv is drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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