he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
