The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize