Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
