1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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