It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I believe in your delicious
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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