Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
