So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
