shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
