my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
