Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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