I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
