mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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