He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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