im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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