you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
