remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
