My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
