Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
