Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Even my vagina gasped.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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