I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
