I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
