I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
