Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
