3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
