Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌ï¸
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
