He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
