What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
