i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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