I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize