He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You need a sexual gate keeper
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
