dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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