just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this boner is exhausting
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
