Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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