I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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