i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize