Tell her she can't have a vagina
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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