his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize