3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
