I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Buhtt sex?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
