Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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