I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
