one word: firstdatebathroomanal
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
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