remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
