I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
