Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
