Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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