im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
