Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
