we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
