Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize