That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
