dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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