I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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