she looked like the before picture.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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