READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
