are you still at the devil's house?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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