I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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