My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
