remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
