You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
