Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
