sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
