while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
