I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
