Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she told me i tasted like america
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize