Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize