dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
