im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
