make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
